Here's one for ya.
I have a four year old. Good kid, robust, healthy, chipper, etc etc. Adolph woulda loved him (horrible to say, but true) - rosy cheeks, blonder than blonde hair, blue eyes, great lungs, and very strong.
And stubborn.
Did I mention that?
Yes. Ohhh yes. here we shall see JUST how stubborn this kid is, and perhaps y'all can help me.
He only likes to eat the following:
cereal
berries
some fruits
cheese
plain noodles
pb & j
eggs with cheese and ketchup
and burritos (beans and cheese ONLY)
and that is IT.
sometimes the occasional scrap of meat - bacon, hot dogs - will pass his lips, but not fucking often. Fine. he eats alright, I guess.
And normally, this would be okay. We'd have us a little tussle over a new food or a vegetable or meat or something that's a funny color (i.e. - not white, brown, or yellow).
But now, for the past six months, it is most definitely NOT okay.
Why?
Because when faced with foreign food, young Squidge will lean over the table/plate and force the entire contents of his tiny poofy belly all over. Ohhh yes. not just a wee bit of bile, or a smidge of spew. An entire meal's worth of harf, all over his current meal, the table, and occasionally Us.
Fucking excellent.
And so, while this is an amazing talent, to whimper and cry a bit and then gag until vast torrents of ABC food and belly ick come surging forth in quantities that would leave Mr Creosote applauding, I am a bit sick of it. And disgusted. I mean...I've lost about ten pounds at this point, partly due to the nastiness and sheer dreading of mealtimes. Luckily this act was not performed at my brother's house on our recent trek south, or at gramma's house. But restaurants? yes. Home? Oh shit yes, son. This is the puke palace (let's hope my poor SIL NEVER EVER finds this blog and reads it...puking is not her pal).
Any ideas on how to make this stop???? I am beyond desperation. We've tried time outs, we've tried spankings, we've tried taking away every single toy and book he owns until he can eat properly (worked for a week), we've tried bargaining, we've tried tempting with sweets and deserts, I mean....even up to ignoring it and setting aside the same meal for later when he's (of course) hungry. My mother in law insists we just give him whatever we have at each meal, and if he eats it, fine. If he doesn't, fine. Which would be great if Squidge was one to go quietly and non-pukingly about anything that disagreed with Squidge Law. Unfortunately, that is NOT how it goes.
I am miserable here, folks. Help!
14 comments:
the one thing you should NOT do is follow your mother-in-law's advice and give him whatever he wants, but i'm sure you know that.
this may sound crazy but i just saw a program on the BBC about a 17 year old girl who hadn't eaten anything except french fries since she was 2 years old. he parents just thought she was a picky eater, tried everything, got fed up with the arguments, bribing, and PUKING, and eventually let her eat fries all the bloody time.
Now, at the age of 17, they finally found out that she has a stomach gastro-intestinal disorder of some kind, and that as a child fries were the only food she ate that didn't make her stomach hurt. Everything else she swallowed caused her pain and nausea (sort of an extreme collic) and she learned to hate/fear any food that came her way (except fries, which for some reason didn't aggravate the condition).
If this has been going on for a long time with Squidge, it's just possible that his tummy hurts when he eats food that aren't on his pre-approved list. Those are, after all, all very mild foods, the kind of thing i would give to someone recovering from stomach flu who was still a bit tender in the tumtum.
I don't want to make you paranoid. It's just a thought.
dang, that is a thought. remember how Jude was pulling something similar and it turned out that he had reflux?
We have considered that, actually. He seems to have my lactose intolerence (all of the kids on my bio dad's side have it) and a bit of a sensitive tum about beef (I do too). So as little cow products as possible are used, barring yogurt and cheese.
I highly doubt there's medical problem, we keep careful track of what's in his food and how he reacts. We let him skate on the meat stuff, it's not that big of a deal, but we've found that half of his issue is in the presentation. It can be noodles with butter and cheese, but the minute you add pepper or alfredo, it's harf city. And it isn't ceallic disease, or any other gluten intolerance, and we keep up on all the new fangled food allergies.
I think he's just a kid being a stubborn jackass with an awesome power to puke on command. Don't think we need to medicalize that. He eats it when it looks *appealling*.
cheeses mini one tried to bring home this "crying until she vomits thing" some she put a stop to it at our house but it still happens at her dads... hmmm...
when i grew up, it was/is expected of me to eat what is/was put on my plate. when i refused, i would sit there until bed time, then have it for breakfast, then lunch... i think you might be onto something with the stubborn part. and vomit on command?! i can almost do it. especially when ive had a few stiff drinks...
good luck, vomit is soooo gross...
see, I was starting to think I was crazy...I hear snipets here and there of kids puking like that, but mostly just to get out of school. And I knew a wrestler in high school who you could just say "Hey, Tyler, puke!" and he'd calmly lean over the shrubs and hurl. Amazing.
Mom made me eat eggs for days in a row. Old eggs, replacement eggs, cold eggs. Oh yeah. Over and over until they were eaten. We do that with him to, but he can outlast the shelf life of food, and we ramble around too much to be consistent.
Funny he does it at home. Something is troubling him at your table???
Maybe, but I think it tends to be one of those acting up at home situations. Much like the tantrum throwing days of last year...he'd freak the hell out at home, but not in the supermarket or library or friend's houses, etc. But that is a good thought and hit a bit of a nerve, so thank you.
i asked cheese how she would handle it, and i know i interpreted what you had said and im sure you wrote of your interpretation... but if he is gonna continue throwing up the food and waiting you out then give him what he will eat. when you go out and there is nothing he can eat then he will have to wait until he finds something he can eat or until he gets home, of course you would share your meals if he decided that he could share, or when at a relatives house, same story, "dont like it? dont eat, but thats whats for dinner..." its a tough one and kids will wait you out... my cousin would only eat bread and butter for years! pads of butter, and at every meal with my family it would be this knock down drag out fight, made everyone at the table miserable. one day they said fuck it, "here these are the two slices of bread and they are pre buttered, thats what you want and thats what you get..." after a while of that, he started to eat more of what everyone else was eating. as soon as he wasnt the center of atention of every meal it got better... i dunno... good luck!!! it sounds like you are doing what you can.
the whole problem is, that this is a small child who was born with the indominable will of Joseph Stalin. but it sounds like cheese and voices might be onto something, kiddo. that sounds kinda interesting.
and yes, everyone, i did the eggs thing. that was ME.
OK, if it's not a medical problem then it's a discipline problem. I'm not saying you haven't disciplined him, on the contrary it sounds like you're doing a great job, but this is a battle of wills: you're just going to have to out-last him. And never never, ever give in. One tiny victory will keep him going for months.
Here's a thought: the next time he pukes on the table, make him eat that. I can't imagine a grosser punishment. If you enforce that rule 100% of the time it should put an end to his antics in fairly short order.
Right. This is a really hard one. I have been there myself to some degree with my 6 (nearly 7) year old Squidget. Again, an unbelievably smart, intuitive and beyond wilful child. No matter how hard you try to not get cross, upset, anxious, wanting to puke yourself with fury (!) you will end up doing one if not all four of the above at some point with this sort of problem. Bottom line - he is getting a reaction out of you and is controlling you with food. I agree - really f=*king annoying! The problem is that this reaction inevitably causes stress on both sides. I am a fine one to talk - my son given a choice would eat pasta tubes and pesto every day. I have been through and am still going through to some respect all of what you have written about - although recently it has got a little easier - slowly but surely.
I made a classic mistake first off- I used to tell Harry what he was having for supper. Bad move Idiot Mother!. It was always Noooooooo! I want this, I want that. Immediately - we are having a dialogue. If I had just shut up and cooked it, put it on the table and walked away - it would have been eaten by now! Hideous. So I started to do exactly that and especially, not make eye contact. I used to say - here you are - AND WALK AWAY - or if we were sitting together I would put it down, keep my head down and just start eating myself. It sort of worked - the look of shock and disgust on his face was fantastic - 8 times out of 10 he would just get on with it because there was no hook to hang his complaint on. It has taken me about a year to realise - it is all about control. He still does REALLY ANNOYING THINGS like refuses to eat sausages at home but apparently devours them at other people's houses, ditto bolognese, salad - aaaaggghhh! More control! The only way I could get around it was slowly but surely. It is painful beyond belief and actually the worst time was when he was your son's age. I had to puree poached chicken and hide it in pasta sauce just to get chicken into him. Only this year I have been flaking it and putting it in rice etc - he is eating it now. I think that was about texture - some kids are just really cranky about texture. Poached egg - yes. Boiled egg - yes. Fried egg - fine. Scrambled egg - devil's food, dramatic retching, almost puking. So I just don't do scrambled any more.
And the last thing I will say is: when things really came to a head I would just have to give him something that I knew he would eat with no fuss for a day or two if only to give me and him a break. I then introduced something else in a really small way and increased from there. Keep portions small too - he can always have more. Hang on in there. Sorry for writing so much but I wanted you to know you aren't the only one and it will get better with slow and careful strategy. I tell you - it is amazing how wilful they can be. I feel anxious most days I am cooking Harry supper still despite the fact he likes a lot of stuff. As a baby he ate everything. It wasn't until he got to 3/4 he started being a devil. I hope a little of that helps.
hows it going now?!?!
since i'm no expert, i called someone for assistance with your issue. (oooh, i sounded so professional and worldly, didn't I?)
anyway, my mom had 2 suggestions if he was doing it on purpose:
1. have a roll of paper towels sitting beside his plate on the table at EVERY meal. and let him know that if he throws up, he cleans it up. that even at 4 he can clean it up, and that you are not to let up on this.
2. sit him in the kitchen in his high chair by himself with a wastebasket or coffee can for him to throw up in. that way if he's doing it for attention, nobody will see him b/c he's being ostracised. (i give up on correct spelling.)
**if he can't help it, my mom suggests the last option too. this is coming from a mom of 4, grandmom of 7, and a professional babysitter of too many to count. oh, and she helped raise her 7 brothers and sisters, so i value her opinion.
these are only suggestions, i figured it wouldn't hurt to ask someone.
IV, Ma, Cb, RockMo, Pink: Thank you all! We've been giving the battle another go (with breaks of food Squidge eats, phew), and struggling on. He's stubborn, no allergies or reflux that anyone's found, so phew there too. My nephew was a mega puker coz my SIL's side has ze reflux issues. Thank jeebus we missed that shiiiite.
I will update on Monday, promise. THANK YOU ALL! I feel very loved and supported and HEARD! It helps enormously, as those of you who've fought similar battles know...another parent who goes "yup, seen that, and it does indeed suck" makes the battles seem fightable.
MUCHAS GRACIAS AND MUCHAS SMOOCHES!!!
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